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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

#21324443
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16739) - you deserved it (47645)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

#21323182
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32786) - you deserved it (3387)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

#21323138
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30636) - you deserved it (2327)

On 12/24/2014 at 7:03am - misc - by jflac (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

#21322767
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27913) - you deserved it (3167)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm - health - by eamiller (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

#21322290
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39037) - you deserved it (4350)

On 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm - love - by Soulara89 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

#21322225
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25385) - you deserved it (2144)

On 12/22/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

#21321861
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29400) - you deserved it (2776)

On 12/22/2014 at 1:25am - misc - by Retailhell (woman) - United States

Today, my school textbook's back cover ripped off. Not wanting to have my teacher find out, I glued the cover back together. Only after the glue dried did I realize that I actually glued the back cover upside down. FML

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. As things got heated, he broke down crying. I assumed it was just anxiety so I hugged him and told him it's alright and that it didn't matter, we'd try another time. Half an hour later, he confessed that he's actually gay. FML

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

#21321028
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29492) - you deserved it (3164)

On 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

#21320958
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34449) - you deserved it (4098)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:00pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

#21320382
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (4628)

On 12/19/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, the lady whose son I babysit sent me a text, saying she left a gift for me for all the hard work I've done. I found a beautifully-wrapped box where she said the gift was. It turned out my actual gift was cookies sitting right next to it. FML



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