Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

by Aeare_ / 09/17/2016 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

by DabTheFuckOut / 09/16/2016 at 3:35pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

by littlekellilee / 09/16/2016 at 12:27am / Canada / Health

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

by Dezzmond68 / 09/15/2016 at 4:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2016 at 8:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting two brothers, 3 and 5. As I was getting the youngest ready to go outside, the older boy, threw open the door, shucked his clothing, and ran off into the woods. I had to carry the 3-year-old as I ran my asthmatic ass after him. FML

by K_nightlight / 09/14/2016 at 8:20pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

by Undersexed / 09/14/2016 at 6:01pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

by AlwaysTired / 09/14/2016 at 10:57am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML

by maybe next time? / 09/14/2016 at 7:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

by Torbey / 09/13/2016 at 11:49pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

by Sadmom / 09/13/2016 at 10:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my ex came back into my life, professing his love and begging for another chance. This begging act ended rather suddenly once he remembered I have a daughter. FML

by ProudMamma / 09/13/2016 at 9:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love