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Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

#21513662
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20103) - you deserved it (1722)

On 01/10/2016 at 6:33pm - love - by CharlieKearney (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

#21513467
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22016) - you deserved it (2833)

On 01/10/2016 at 4:07am - animals - by Devotedmom (woman) - Belgium (Liege)

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

#21513043
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19885) - you deserved it (1832)

On 01/08/2016 at 11:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina (Buenos Aires)

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

#21513021
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20664) - you deserved it (1571)

On 01/08/2016 at 10:09pm - misc - by familypet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

#21512916
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18301) - you deserved it (4278)

On 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

#21512844
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18831) - you deserved it (8756)

On 01/08/2016 at 12:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

#21512826
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19667) - you deserved it (2068)

On 01/08/2016 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

#21512779
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18047) - you deserved it (7770)

On 01/08/2016 at 6:28am - health - by Lara (woman) - Germany (Bremen)

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

#21512660
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19479) - you deserved it (5022)

On 01/07/2016 at 9:08pm - misc - by AccidentalFlasher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

#21512451
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (3303)

On 01/07/2016 at 7:00am - intimacy - by anne (woman) - Germany

Today, my 4 year old's heavily pregnant teacher pulled me aside and asked me to talk to my son about "boundaries". Apparently, he asked her if she was going to "boobie feed" him and listed a few reasons why she should and why formula is bad, in front of the entire class. FML

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

#21512272
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19207) - you deserved it (1958)

On 01/06/2016 at 8:55pm - work - by seeking new employment (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom can't wait until I turn 18, so she can kick me out and turn my room into a huge closet for all her clothes. FML

#21512120
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20664) - you deserved it (1881)

On 01/06/2016 at 1:01pm - misc - by makdra (woman) -



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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