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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

#2787428
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8029) - you deserved it (42374)

On 06/10/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by parkinglotslayer (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About half way through I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

#2777163
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52717) - you deserved it (21061)

On 06/10/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by rubmytummy (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

#2774700
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12650) - you deserved it (67861)

On 06/10/2009 at 3:42pm - work - by crosseyed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

#2773226
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6742) - you deserved it (69609)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by LetsMakeLove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
819 comments

I agree, your life sucks (119217) - you deserved it (73913)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

#2772100
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15346) - you deserved it (46441)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by dm206 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

#2771745
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63253) - you deserved it (3877)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:35pm - misc - by Oh_baby (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21448) - you deserved it (56294)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

#2766675
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44484) - you deserved it (29364)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by DamnDominoes (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33159) - you deserved it (12535)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML

#2763801
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54205) - you deserved it (3162)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by dodgerkiss (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

#2763386
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43589) - you deserved it (3464)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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