Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

by violet / 11/29/2009 at 5:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

by Yoooooo0 / 11/29/2009 at 1:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:18am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

by Numnum / 11/29/2009 at 8:02am / United Kingdom (Greater London) / Health

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

by Nomoresandwish / 11/29/2009 at 3:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandson asked how old I am and whether I'd seen Mammoths "for real" when I was a kid. FML

by Granmacathy / 11/29/2009 at 2:13am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 1:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

by Shannon / 11/28/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Louisiana) / Holidays

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 7:32pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

by IndieRox / 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

by moon_paw / 11/28/2009 at 11:17am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

by MegGRRRz / 11/28/2009 at 10:33am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous