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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

#5938925
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11424) - you deserved it (35262)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:19am - animals - by munckncruncj15 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

#5937926
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54260) - you deserved it (5146)

On 10/21/2009 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

#5937584
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33086) - you deserved it (6666)

On 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I texted my brother saying "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he answered: "You better not be doing drugs." FML

#5933276
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28258) - you deserved it (9482)

On 10/21/2009 at 7:21pm - love - by Lovelysister (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

#5932326
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26407) - you deserved it (5213)

On 10/21/2009 at 6:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

#5931045
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29862) - you deserved it (4042)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Busted (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

#5928824
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65016) - you deserved it (3303)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:31pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

#5927953
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36009) - you deserved it (7133)

On 10/21/2009 at 12:40pm - health - by Rayvyn (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

#5926949
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36011) - you deserved it (4427)

On 10/21/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by TheSublime (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

#5923040
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (3619)

On 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

#5914745
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14540) - you deserved it (79877)

On 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by jaxattax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML

#5910147
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40184) - you deserved it (2791)

On 10/20/2009 at 6:46am - kids - by NikkiiFireStarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I woke up at 3am after 2 hours sleep to get to my 7.40am interview with the Air Force. I went through a full medical check, a psych test and an interview with military personnel, was there for 7 hours with no food and only water to drink, only to be told I wasn't suited to the position I applied for. FML



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