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Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

#2736188
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20217) - you deserved it (44836)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:39am - health - by fatty (woman) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78375) - you deserved it (5083)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

#2735407
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34599) - you deserved it (22112)

On 06/09/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Free State)

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

#2734791
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13298) - you deserved it (50322)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51212) - you deserved it (64484)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

#2732892
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60824) - you deserved it (5461)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:28pm - love - by doomed (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

#2724554
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16316) - you deserved it (45605)

On 06/08/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

#2720820
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48176) - you deserved it (4175)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:51pm - work - by Marie (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if your going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

#2719263
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6275) - you deserved it (92584)

On 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

#2713255
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94916) - you deserved it (6691)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

#2711154
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29153) - you deserved it (38633)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:54am - misc - by KBO (woman) - Australia

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

#2687233
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10546) - you deserved it (118385)

On 06/07/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

#2686671
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14901) - you deserved it (87272)

On 06/07/2009 at 9:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Free State)



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