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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60260) - you deserved it (25923)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I left my grandmother's burial to take a midterm. Earlier I e-mailed the professor to ask permission to take it later, and she flat out said "no." I left my grieving family, and traveled hours back to school. I went to class, only to discover that the prof decided to move the exam date. FML

#3069327
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54666) - you deserved it (2064)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by goodstudent (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

#3061560
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35845) - you deserved it (8454)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML

#3060400
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51759) - you deserved it (21461)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, was my high school's senior awards ceremony. Over 400 people were crammed in the hot auditorium. I won five awards and each time I was called up the laughter grew louder. Apparently even the back row could see my pit stains. FML

#3060305
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40728) - you deserved it (4781)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by asdf (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

#3058885
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17900) - you deserved it (56266)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around and decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked and led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML

#3055802
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20813) - you deserved it (51595)

On 06/20/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by DuckyKiller (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

#3053802
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50277) - you deserved it (11330)

On 06/20/2009 at 4:02am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

#3048496
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41252) - you deserved it (4203)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Bob (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

#3048050
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10504) - you deserved it (59023)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

#3041162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45556) - you deserved it (3340)

On 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, all my friends had a huge party and 'forgot' to invite me. They only remembered about me at 2 am when they called asking for rides home because they were all too drunk to drive. FML

#3040263
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41348) - you deserved it (2157)

On 06/19/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by Kerry (woman) - United States (California)



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