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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
819 comments

I agree, your life sucks (119118) - you deserved it (73900)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

#2772100
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15338) - you deserved it (46425)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by dm206 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

#2771745
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63232) - you deserved it (3876)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:35pm - misc - by Oh_baby (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21435) - you deserved it (56280)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

#2766675
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44449) - you deserved it (29355)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by DamnDominoes (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33150) - you deserved it (12527)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML

#2763801
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53745) - you deserved it (3140)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by dodgerkiss (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

#2763386
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43574) - you deserved it (3464)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11189) - you deserved it (55550)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I received the final piece of puzzle that my boyfriend of two years has been sending me through the mail for the last week. Turns out, it wasn't a love letter like I originally thought it was. He was breaking up with me via a puzzle through the mail. FML

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

#2752400
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49179) - you deserved it (3706)

On 06/09/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by unfortunate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

#2749071
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49351) - you deserved it (14994)

On 06/09/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by ohwell (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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