Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

by crappy_day / 01/08/2010 at 9:09pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

by farmvillefail / 01/08/2010 at 7:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was "ugh". FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

by brokenrelicslost / 01/08/2010 at 3:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

by mcpeepants / 01/08/2010 at 12:56pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

by WesJaz / 01/08/2010 at 11:35am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 11:32am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:09am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 6:48am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

by Fuzzy / 01/08/2010 at 2:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Geek

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

by snickerdoodles / 01/08/2010 at 1:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

by iamshrimpy / 01/08/2010 at 1:24am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

by weeble_wobbles09 / 01/08/2010 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy