Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

by mackenzie_cain / 01/14/2010 at 12:33am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

by meow / 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

by cantgetitupcantgetiton / 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

by uglyone / 01/13/2010 at 9:06am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

by BetrayedGirl / 01/13/2010 at 7:40am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I found out where my favorite shirt has been for the last six months. My ex-fiancé's new girlfriend is wearing it. FML

by chasesd / 01/13/2010 at 4:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

by Juanna / 01/13/2010 at 3:07am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a '50+ only' housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

by ilu.xo / 01/13/2010 at 1:11am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

by SMRT / 01/13/2010 at 1:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working with the kid I babysit for. We were out and he complained that he was hungry. I spent my very last $2 on chicken nuggets for him and a coffee for myself. Just as I sat down, he knocked over my coffee, spilling it into his chicken nuggets. Then he cried for over an hour. FML

by bern5555 / 01/13/2010 at 12:29am / United States (Idaho) / Kids

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

by pass_the_tp / 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous