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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

#2864467
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33042) - you deserved it (11134)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

#2855395
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80860) - you deserved it (3775)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

#2854895
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49232) - you deserved it (4315)

On 06/13/2009 at 10:42am - kids - by Hackmanjones (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

#2853235
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47835) - you deserved it (5945)

On 06/13/2009 at 7:01am - love - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, as I was rehearsing a kissing scene for a play, I realized that before this play, the last guy I had kissed was the same one I was kissing now. It was also for a play. Four and a half years ago. FML

#2848917
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45753) - you deserved it (5094)

On 06/13/2009 at 1:16am - love - by iamrose (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

#2846826
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10572) - you deserved it (69805)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

#2839886
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61706) - you deserved it (4190)

On 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm - love - by vickyxanne (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

#2833526
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61894) - you deserved it (4752)

On 06/12/2009 at 4:04pm - love - by adderallgirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (138480) - you deserved it (9956)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

#2829311
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61336) - you deserved it (11950)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

#2826530
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46901) - you deserved it (7524)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:46am - love - by embarrassment (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

#2822443
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (94413)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by studentdriver828 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68871) - you deserved it (3699)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)



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