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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

#3767718
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41753) - you deserved it (5573)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

#3767592
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48414) - you deserved it (5407)

On 07/15/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were chatting on MSN. He had to go run down to the corner market but left his webcam on. Shortly after he left I watched his mother steal 60 dollars out of his wallet. He doesn't believe me. FML

#3764935
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47594) - you deserved it (2956)

On 07/15/2009 at 1:04am - love - by wtf (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

#3763600
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13248) - you deserved it (61080)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML

#3763023
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54417) - you deserved it (13081)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:01am - love - by Stuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

#3762985
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37023) - you deserved it (6106)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by blotchy-girl (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

#3757766
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13733) - you deserved it (32870)

On 07/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by dani911 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

#3752629
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54494) - you deserved it (5812)

On 07/14/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by bellaboop1990 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I checked the facebook event page that I had set up for my 21st birthday at an awesome restaurant/bar which I had set up a week ago. Out of 39 invitees, the only person who said yes is my boyfriend. FML

#3746710
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40692) - you deserved it (4949)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML

#3746526
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41219) - you deserved it (6358)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:03pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

#3743203
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7058) - you deserved it (68631)

On 07/14/2009 at 11:27am - work - by captainfail (woman) - Germany (Bremen)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

#3741978
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56273) - you deserved it (4438)

On 07/14/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by dinapar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went to a neon themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

#3741117
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71190) - you deserved it (14596)

On 07/14/2009 at 8:23am - misc - by paddy (woman) - United Kingdom



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