Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

by paula434 / 12/05/2009 at 5:19pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years had proposed to his ex a few days behind and she had declined. FML

by silverlocket / 12/05/2009 at 3:21pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

by Marcella_03 / 12/05/2009 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

by lastalittlelonger / 12/05/2009 at 4:07am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML

by shoutoutloud2him / 12/05/2009 at 3:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

by JennyAndrews / 12/05/2009 at 3:44am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Love

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

by Worsttreeever / 12/05/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

by Wino / 12/04/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

by dogless / 12/04/2009 at 5:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

by oops / 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, the electrician came because our kitchen light has been flickering. After examining the installation, he screws the lightbulb tighter in the socket. My parents both are PhDs. FML

by PhDdaughter / 12/04/2009 at 5:16am / Switzerland (Fribourg) / Kids

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

by wearashirt / 12/04/2009 at 2:55am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous