Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 10:27am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

by emergency / 01/25/2010 at 8:32am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

by irishbabycakes / 01/25/2010 at 5:27am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

by notworthy / 01/25/2010 at 4:32am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

by Krissy / 01/25/2010 at 3:36am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

by nyu / 01/25/2010 at 1:33am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

by Phoenix0614 / 01/25/2010 at 12:33am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML

by weddingbells / 01/24/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

by owned / 01/24/2010 at 6:58pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 2:29pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

by kaytiebobaytie / 01/24/2010 at 1:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

by LadyLump / 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm / United States (California) / Health