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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

#5306041
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17437) - you deserved it (12975)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally figured out that when a man says "Maybe some other time, I'll be busy then" more than once, he really means "I don't really want to see you again. I didn't think you'd actually USE my number." FML

#5305557
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10909) - you deserved it (30850)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:15am - love - by justplainsad (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

#5303139
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33462) - you deserved it (2811)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Lulu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

#5303014
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33857) - you deserved it (2895)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by Kat (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to drink the most vile and disgusting medicinal treatments I could ever imagine. Then I had to drink it again when I threw up the first batch. FML

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

#5294180
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7715) - you deserved it (53550)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Jennnn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am qualified for. I've been looking for months. This job was perfect; close to home and great pay. Needless to say I spent quite a while preparing. Everything was going great until I had to sneeze, which forced out a loud, long fart. FML

#5288582
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47063) - you deserved it (3815)

On 09/16/2009 at 6:37am - work - by interviewed (woman) - United States

Today, somebody broke in to my house and stole my laptop, which had years worth of family photos on it. Where was I when it was stolen? At Staples, buying supplies that included CDs to finally back up my pictures. FML

#5288568
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44473) - you deserved it (4922)

On 09/16/2009 at 6:37am - misc - by fobfan14 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

#5288032
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40499) - you deserved it (12073)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:38am - misc - by omgstfuplz (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

#5286860
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6833) - you deserved it (54406)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by FlipYoC (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

#5286823
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37954) - you deserved it (5974)

On 09/16/2009 at 2:12am - love - by takingthebus (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

#5286391
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35862) - you deserved it (3962)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

#5283658
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35265) - you deserved it (4194)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:43pm - animals - by Brinty (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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