Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

by lendahandmanda / 02/23/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

by Kay / 02/23/2010 at 3:36pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

by kal / 02/23/2010 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Love

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2010 at 10:20am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

by thetallone / 02/23/2010 at 3:05am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

by itsawonderfulife / 02/23/2010 at 1:25am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

by meaganlea / 02/23/2010 at 12:17am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML

by car_FAILure / 02/23/2010 at 12:17am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

by notworthit / 02/22/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

by anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 1:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML

by AngelAshley / 02/22/2010 at 10:35am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 6:28am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

by OMFG / 02/22/2010 at 5:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous