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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

#3799026
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36453) - you deserved it (4776)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

#3797980
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45432) - you deserved it (5595)

On 07/16/2009 at 9:44am - love - by hrtbrkn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

#3796227
576 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28819) - you deserved it (86629)

On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I learned that when you flush the toilet, the contents do not disappear into oblivion. They show up in your basement when your sewer backs up. And they come in greater numbers. FML

Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

#3792630
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12907) - you deserved it (67988)

On 07/16/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

#3790297
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36423) - you deserved it (11606)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

#3787096
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16032) - you deserved it (36895)

On 07/15/2009 at 10:08pm - work - by beingthebossisoverrated (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML

#3784088
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52374) - you deserved it (3936)

On 07/15/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

#3783487
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19130) - you deserved it (49642)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by daisyann (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML

#3781020
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45522) - you deserved it (5206)

On 07/15/2009 at 6:23pm - misc - by ughhh123456789 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

#3772243
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28901) - you deserved it (14879)

On 07/15/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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