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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

#3872340
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45336) - you deserved it (4894)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Pusillanimous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39735) - you deserved it (3450)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

#3867495
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45111) - you deserved it (15570)

On 07/18/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by preggersss (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

#3863732
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47397) - you deserved it (12532)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

#3859310
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39204) - you deserved it (3092)

On 07/18/2009 at 3:46pm - work - by startingover (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it was my fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session, my husband looked lovingly into my eyes and asked, "How do you feel about polygamy?" FML

#3855655
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52704) - you deserved it (3700)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm - intimacy - by nonmormon (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

#3855334
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69326) - you deserved it (7739)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by Meh (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

#3853046
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13269) - you deserved it (54017)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:26am - misc - by insertfoothere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

#3851520
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32534) - you deserved it (3588)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:15am - love - by Phoebe (woman) - Singapore

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

#3846556
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50123) - you deserved it (6144)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35127) - you deserved it (93706)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48815) - you deserved it (3193)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, doesn't mean your mom won't walk in your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

#3838782
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36119) - you deserved it (9382)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by Alwayshappens2me (woman) - United States (California)



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