Today, I planned my own wedding down to the very last detail, including favours for my guests, the sweets buffet and the bouquet of flower brooches I want. Too bad I'm still single. FML

by SINGLE / 01/23/2010 at 5:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

by weirdlove / 01/23/2010 at 3:38am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

by Brit / 01/23/2010 at 1:34am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML

by estallidos / 01/23/2010 at 12:13am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

by Chan / 01/22/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, while grooming my horse, a spider crawled onto my ear. As if that was bad enough, I'm extremely arachnophobic, so I shrieked out of habit, which in turn caused my horse to freak out and kick me. FML

Today, I was lying on the couch after having surgery on my stomach. My best friend and my mom thought that laughter would be the best medicine. Due to their medicine, I ripped out half my stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2010 at 5:08pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran 5 miles to catch the bus I take to university after missing my connection. When I got to the bus stop, I realized I had left my U-Pass on my desk at home. On top of the assignment that was due. FML

by noooooo / 01/22/2010 at 2:32am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

by HotelClerk / 01/22/2010 at 1:37am / United States (Minnesota) / Transportation

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

by housebroken / 01/22/2010 at 1:17am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

by hardtotell / 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself and it came down too. FML

by jalapeno_popper / 01/21/2010 at 3:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2010 at 9:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous