Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, was my high school's senior awards ceremony. Over 400 people were crammed in the hot auditorium. I won five awards and each time I was called up the laughter grew louder. Apparently even the back row could see my pit stains. FML

#3060305
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37776) - you deserved it (4455)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by asdf (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

#3058885
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16332) - you deserved it (53507)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around and decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked and led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML

#3055802
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17778) - you deserved it (39897)

On 06/20/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by DuckyKiller (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

#3053802
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48411) - you deserved it (10799)

On 06/20/2009 at 4:02am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

#3048496
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39615) - you deserved it (4040)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Bob (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

#3048050
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9577) - you deserved it (56444)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

#3041162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39842) - you deserved it (2446)

On 06/19/2009 at 8:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, all my friends had a huge party and 'forgot' to invite me. They only remembered about me at 2 am when they called asking for rides home because they were all too drunk to drive. FML

#3040263
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38916) - you deserved it (1991)

On 06/19/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by Kerry (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

#3032403
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18027) - you deserved it (26566)

On 06/19/2009 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

#3030449
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37336) - you deserved it (5988)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm - kids - by squeezable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

#3030130
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9126) - you deserved it (38580)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by crap (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

#3028813
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39254) - you deserved it (2903)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

#3028643
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46765) - you deserved it (9896)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: