Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

by matchristityler / 02/09/2010 at 3:19am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2010 at 1:12am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

by Unknown / 02/09/2010 at 12:50am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

by sweeeeet / 02/08/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML

by disasterbutton / 02/08/2010 at 7:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex girlfriend. FML

by Chrissy / 02/08/2010 at 3:24pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 1:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 1:23pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

by dreamteam / 02/08/2010 at 6:24am / United States / Love

Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML

by preggers / 02/08/2010 at 5:52am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 1:58am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

by Hm / 02/07/2010 at 11:03pm / United States (California) / Love