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Man or woman?

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

#4370126
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53535) - you deserved it (16150)

On 08/07/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Momlovesme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

#4368729
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52130) - you deserved it (3742)

On 08/07/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a shower in a beachhouse we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my cell phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

#4366169
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32161) - you deserved it (13828)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by helplesssssss (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the car I was in got pulled over by the police for making an illegal turn. I was in a cab. And he kept the meter running. FML

#4362342
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45504) - you deserved it (2516)

On 08/07/2009 at 2:29pm - misc - by LT (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49640) - you deserved it (6435)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

#4360788
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18152) - you deserved it (51327)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by accidentalslut (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found why exactly my clothes always seemed more stretched out after about a week of owning them. My mom steals and wears them when she goes clubbing. My mom is 46, twice my size, and gets out more than me. FML

#4359273
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40073) - you deserved it (3313)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:31am - misc - by Crazyyyymomentsss (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

#4357009
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52874) - you deserved it (10759)

On 08/07/2009 at 7:17am - intimacy - by nikkrissa_04 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

#4356276
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42348) - you deserved it (3366)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:18am - misc - by Jessika (woman) - United Kingdom (Sunderland)

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

#4356271
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6091) - you deserved it (63722)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:18am - work - by cosmonaut (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML

#4356105
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84442) - you deserved it (6807)

On 08/07/2009 at 4:55am - love - by notsomuchinlove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML

#4348564
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5076) - you deserved it (63324)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by fazzems (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

#4346693
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47455) - you deserved it (8173)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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