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Man or woman?

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

#4346693
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47420) - you deserved it (8170)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

#4342634
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8304) - you deserved it (39256)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:16pm - misc - by beckzx58 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

#4342060
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61339) - you deserved it (7551)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the Grand Canyon with my family. Also today, I found out that I have a crippling fear of heights. My family left me on a ledge hyperventilating and having a mental breakdown, while they hiked for another 2 hours. They won't stop telling me how pretty it was and what I missed. FML

#4341464
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36068) - you deserved it (7875)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by a-scared (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

#4340185
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (96755)

On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

#4338265
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48964) - you deserved it (4033)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:01pm - misc - by tryingnottocare (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

#4337327
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43230) - you deserved it (2598)

On 08/06/2009 at 3:22pm - love - by DravensMommy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

#4332436
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41684) - you deserved it (6627)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

#4331157
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63629) - you deserved it (3927)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by Shopgirl (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

#4329050
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65278) - you deserved it (2797)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by whatismydadthinking (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

#4326730
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48805) - you deserved it (16158)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

#4326549
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20337) - you deserved it (42601)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by PeepShow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

#4321339
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14216) - you deserved it (57248)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:04pm - animals - by dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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