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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60232) - you deserved it (4498)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

#4566458
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49107) - you deserved it (8670)

On 08/16/2009 at 3:05am - health - by irony (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

#4563968
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37763) - you deserved it (7758)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by stupidtoothpick2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

#4562755
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37293) - you deserved it (2251)

On 08/16/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by Tiff676 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

#4555505
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58209) - you deserved it (2788)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43840) - you deserved it (21026)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

#4554817
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51942) - you deserved it (6905)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by hellnooo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML

#4550726
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45908) - you deserved it (12649)

On 08/15/2009 at 3:21pm - health - by baldintheback (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

#4550264
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12898) - you deserved it (50309)

On 08/15/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by whatgoesaround (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

#4548523
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12584) - you deserved it (36142)

On 08/15/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by wimp (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

#4541941
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48068) - you deserved it (21121)

On 08/15/2009 at 2:13am - love - by Squashed (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

#4540987
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33277) - you deserved it (12389)

On 08/15/2009 at 1:22am - health - by Dammit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

#4539697
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124416) - you deserved it (6495)

On 08/15/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by jellybean_94 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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