Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

by uglyone / 01/13/2010 at 9:06am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

by BetrayedGirl / 01/13/2010 at 7:40am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I found out where my favorite shirt has been for the last six months. My ex-fiancé's new girlfriend is wearing it. FML

by chasesd / 01/13/2010 at 4:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

by Juanna / 01/13/2010 at 3:07am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a '50+ only' housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

by ilu.xo / 01/13/2010 at 1:11am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

by SMRT / 01/13/2010 at 1:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working with the kid I babysit for. We were out and he complained that he was hungry. I spent my very last $2 on chicken nuggets for him and a coffee for myself. Just as I sat down, he knocked over my coffee, spilling it into his chicken nuggets. Then he cried for over an hour. FML

by bern5555 / 01/13/2010 at 12:29am / United States (Idaho) / Kids

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

by pass_the_tp / 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

by meee / 01/12/2010 at 7:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

by BetterThanFake / 01/12/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

by notasgood / 01/12/2010 at 6:54pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy