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Today, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did every one else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML

#5249359
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50466) - you deserved it (5067)

On 09/14/2009 at 10:13am - love - by babymomma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

#5248876
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24209) - you deserved it (4618)

On 09/14/2009 at 8:58am - intimacy - by Humiliated (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

#5247721
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47390) - you deserved it (4007)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

#5244786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28429) - you deserved it (24676)

On 09/14/2009 at 1:07am - animals - by Maggie123 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

#5243729
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31353) - you deserved it (18943)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:20am - work - by _philliesfan (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

#5243722
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31917) - you deserved it (4780)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:20am - animals - by catpeecathy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20795) - you deserved it (5245)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

#5235407
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31572) - you deserved it (5676)

On 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm - love - by CaeliLady (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

#5230758
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46257) - you deserved it (3103)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:18pm - love - by misc (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 15 year old sister came home at 4am totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about abusing drugs. FML

#5229708
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49428) - you deserved it (2929)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:19pm - kids - by BigSister (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

#5228035
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45088) - you deserved it (2037)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:44pm - animals - by sarahpft (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

#5225291
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32965) - you deserved it (3059)

On 09/13/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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