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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63719) - you deserved it (4610)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

#3453387
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11277) - you deserved it (41679)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by dreamer2639 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

#3448245
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30795) - you deserved it (8514)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:01am - work - by wherefelix (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married". FML

#3447565
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51897) - you deserved it (4210)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:24am - love - by hannaholic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

#3446185
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12397) - you deserved it (48002)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:19am - work - by Regina (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11950) - you deserved it (91884)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

#3440456
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32594) - you deserved it (6580)

On 07/02/2009 at 11:06pm - misc - by Heethersays (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML

#3437520
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60998) - you deserved it (7195)

On 07/02/2009 at 9:33pm - love - by heart-broken (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

#3435497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29777) - you deserved it (888)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:12pm - love - by Damnsoup (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

#3430173
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39826) - you deserved it (8028)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:37pm - money - by kbrider (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

#3430057
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19656) - you deserved it (46802)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by slightlyslow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

#3429206
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42514) - you deserved it (2489)

On 07/02/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by farrahfarrest_ (woman) - United States (California)



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