Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

by sliceddice / 03/10/2010 at 11:08am / Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn) / Love

Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me "Tilly" and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all - the family was playing a joke on me. FML

by NotTilly / 03/10/2010 at 9:54am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

by misty_love / 03/10/2010 at 3:09am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

by Maddy / 03/10/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

by KJS / 03/10/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

by whoanoa / 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

by Al / 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

by littlemissgullible / 03/09/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

by Teeny / 03/09/2010 at 4:13pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

by lockedoutbabysitter / 03/09/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2010 at 3:57am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

by anonymous / 03/09/2010 at 1:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

by fu2then / 03/09/2010 at 1:04am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love