Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

by kebaby / 06/19/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

by Blank / 06/16/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

by Joy / 06/16/2010 at 10:42am / Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn) / Health

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

by kitkat1603 / 06/16/2010 at 7:32am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Intimacy

Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2010 at 3:31pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and he hates my dog. FML

by Samantha / 06/15/2010 at 2:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

by milkybear / 06/15/2010 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

by gibsonSG323 / 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

by Cat / 06/13/2010 at 10:36am / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

by Yup / 06/13/2010 at 3:48am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

by justgreatgirl / 06/11/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous