Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

by woundedexwife / 01/15/2010 at 8:22pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2010 at 7:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

by englishfail / 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

by Jumja / 01/15/2010 at 6:37am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

Today, I was dumped at the surprise party I threw for my boyfriend. FML

by TanjinaRubbaiyat / 01/15/2010 at 3:49am / Bangladesh (Dhaka) / Love

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

by Romantic / 01/15/2010 at 3:33am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

by Rin / 01/15/2010 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I received a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, for the past week he has been telling everyone "mummy works as a drug dealer." I'm a pharmacist. FML

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

by cuppincake / 01/15/2010 at 2:51am / Australia (South Australia) / Love

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

by beriles / 01/15/2010 at 12:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

by nude / 01/14/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

by scubai / 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm / United States / Health