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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

#5087791
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15473) - you deserved it (47482)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

#5086359
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10986) - you deserved it (41868)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

#5086077
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70716) - you deserved it (6056)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm - love - by mandinga (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

#5086042
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42762) - you deserved it (3795)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:33pm - love - by me (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

#5082390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44223) - you deserved it (2155)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

#5081613
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32930) - you deserved it (5036)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm - misc - by asdfjkl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

#5079880
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35202) - you deserved it (6189)

On 09/06/2009 at 11:04am - love - by beccaj_ilh (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

#5079385
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34014) - you deserved it (5501)

On 09/06/2009 at 10:21am - work - by boohoo (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

#5076564
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42626) - you deserved it (3634)

On 09/06/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by Forgotten (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

#5074855
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (13129)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Porkchop05 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

#5068921
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16855) - you deserved it (46111)

On 09/05/2009 at 9:31pm - misc - by JustMyLuck (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

#5066091
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11040) - you deserved it (35923)

On 09/05/2009 at 7:02pm - misc - by bubbles (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

#5064368
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43888) - you deserved it (4192)

On 09/05/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by nikkiquila_0699 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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