Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

by Katie / 06/30/2010 at 7:36pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

by rockefoe / 06/30/2010 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

by Tp / 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 2:53pm / United States (New Mexico) / Money

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 1:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

by itssdianaa / 06/28/2010 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

by Pain / 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

by Kim422 / 06/28/2010 at 2:18am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

by ac13 / 06/27/2010 at 2:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2010 at 6:07am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

by babysitter / 06/24/2010 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

by cjkelly1 / 06/23/2010 at 7:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous