Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

by coffee_princess / 07/22/2010 at 7:14pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

by Nic / 07/22/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 1:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

by highlandgirl10 / 07/21/2010 at 4:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

by fattysonparade / 07/20/2010 at 9:57pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

by Speedy / 07/20/2010 at 9:33am / United Kingdom (Durham) / Transportation

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

by Lana / 07/20/2010 at 8:43am / Austria (Wien) / Work

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

by thanksmom / 07/19/2010 at 8:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

by betrayed / 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

by wideawake / 07/19/2010 at 4:34am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

by Bellagirl / 07/19/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy