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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

#4297641
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40875) - you deserved it (11721)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

#4293059
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46667) - you deserved it (3095)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by andi0804 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was wearing my favorite tube top to the mall when a girl walked up and said, "I have that exact same skirt, why are you wearing it as a top?" I've been wearing it for two years, and no one's bothered to tell me. FML

#4290695
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14632) - you deserved it (46586)

On 08/04/2009 at 7:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

#4290103
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35721) - you deserved it (7135)

On 08/04/2009 at 7:25pm - health - by toadface (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was sprinting to the bus stop trying to beat the bus. It pulled next to me and honked, startling me off the edge of the road. My foot slipped, I went tumbling, roadrashing my leg. The bus driver stopped, opened the door, and yelled "I was just letting you know this is a training bus." FML

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

#4285765
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45956) - you deserved it (6441)

On 08/04/2009 at 4:21pm - love - by Angry (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date night down a dirt road to a field in the middle of nowhere. He packed some blankets, a bottle of wine, and some condoms. He didn't know the dirt road was actually a driveway until all of our clothes were off. FML

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

#4278303
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35711) - you deserved it (3122)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:19am - misc - by CzechMeOut (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

#4277712
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83630) - you deserved it (3898)

On 08/04/2009 at 8:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML

#4277493
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57843) - you deserved it (4164)

On 08/04/2009 at 7:27am - love - by jemma (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

#4274462
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48072) - you deserved it (6943)

On 08/04/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

#4264438
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6113) - you deserved it (54670)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

#4264267
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54624) - you deserved it (2082)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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