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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

#6092612
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32733) - you deserved it (1915)

On 10/31/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21412) - you deserved it (2555)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

#6089701
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32027) - you deserved it (2682)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

#6086009
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43897) - you deserved it (6124)

On 10/31/2009 at 3:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

#6084387
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27167) - you deserved it (3480)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Morgannaken (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

#6084223
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27834) - you deserved it (7166)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:32pm - kids - by apparentnerd (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister had her first kiss. She was very excited and she told me all about it. She then asked me to tell her about the first time I kissed a guy, what it was like, who it was with, etc. I had to make one up. I have never been kissed before. My sister is 6 years younger than me. FML

#6083113
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34930) - you deserved it (5543)

On 10/31/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by Okay (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

#6082159
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6688) - you deserved it (47786)

On 10/31/2009 at 10:30am - health - by alcoholic (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML

#6081192
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28578) - you deserved it (11015)

On 10/31/2009 at 7:08am - love - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, it's Saturday night, and also Halloween. Instead of going out, I'm sitting at home on MSN telling everyone who asks me what I'm doing tonight that I'm 'going out in 10 minutes to a party', then when 10 minutes pass, I block them. FML

#6080955
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27407) - you deserved it (24429)

On 10/31/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by pathetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that whenever a mistake is made at my work, my boss assumes that it was me, unless indicated otherwise, but he has never said anything to me about it because of my 'learning disorder'. I don't have a learning disorder. FML

#6078927
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27157) - you deserved it (2216)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:20am - work - by Brinty (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

#6078345
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24731) - you deserved it (4971)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by catwoman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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