Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

by justdancebbyx3 / 06/06/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

by ugh / 06/05/2010 at 7:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

by someoneelsessaliva / 06/05/2010 at 2:59am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

by firecrotch / 06/04/2010 at 1:36am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

by elevenharries / 06/03/2010 at 4:54am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

by Aiaiii / 06/03/2010 at 3:55am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Health

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and its not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

by Kbizz / 06/02/2010 at 10:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

by Official_Person / 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

by Amb / 06/01/2010 at 7:56pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

by smellyfeet / 06/01/2010 at 12:19pm / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

by Lou / 06/01/2010 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Transportation

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

by girlllll / 06/01/2010 at 8:31am / Denmark (Kobenhavn) / Miscellaneous

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation