Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

by Rawr / 08/01/2010 at 6:38am / Switzerland (Geneve) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

by Nuttree / 08/01/2010 at 3:02am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

by Chimychunga / 08/01/2010 at 2:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

by lonely / 08/01/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

by XxHinkaixX / 07/31/2010 at 10:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. He's been in jail for the last four months. I paid for his very expensive lawyer. FML

by Beaten / 07/31/2010 at 7:50pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML

by wtf / 07/31/2010 at 7:31pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2010 at 11:03am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

by anne / 07/30/2010 at 7:23pm / Canada / Transportation

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

by MLZ / 07/30/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

by Tree / 07/30/2010 at 7:34am / Love

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

by hairless / 07/30/2010 at 2:45am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

by BadGirlfriend12 / 07/29/2010 at 10:29pm / United States / Love