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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

#4438831
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9060) - you deserved it (93806)

On 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

#4434889
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44043) - you deserved it (8544)

On 08/10/2009 at 8:21pm - misc - by NewFiancee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. After ringing the alarm bell consistantly for 10 minutes, I called someone I was staying with. She went down to the front desk and said that there were people stuck in the elevator. Front desk- "Is that what that is? I thought it was some kids messing around." FML

Today, my friend and I were arguing over whose boyfriend was better. Just as I was about to convince her, my boyfriend rang. Trying to start the perfect conversation, I put him on speaker phone and answered "Hey Tiger, I was just thinking about you". He broke up with me on speaker. FML

#4430564
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45424) - you deserved it (14444)

On 08/10/2009 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

#4429159
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80726) - you deserved it (4114)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:05pm - misc - by thanksforthat (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

#4428551
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8856) - you deserved it (67579)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by hitandrun (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

#4426507
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63013) - you deserved it (8333)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

#4425556
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12100) - you deserved it (50412)

On 08/10/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by klutz (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

#4420726
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14765) - you deserved it (51979)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:12am - love - by HouseMdFangirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

#4418017
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47656) - you deserved it (19630)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:25am - animals - by Entheatus (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

#4417432
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10082) - you deserved it (44814)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:03am - work - by zwillywilly (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

#4412504
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38487) - you deserved it (9555)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by grabber (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

#4410211
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35512) - you deserved it (24834)

On 08/09/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by whatever (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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