Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

by DUMMIE / 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

by Sorry / 03/03/2010 at 11:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my throat is really swollen so I can only drink liquid. I noticed home-made ice-lollies in the freezer and had one. It tasted funny. Turns out my little brother had peed in one of those ice-lolly box and put it in the freezer. FML

by icegirl38 / 03/03/2010 at 10:09am / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

by holycrap / 03/03/2010 at 12:37am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook. I noticed she has an album of pictures for each member of the family, except me. The dog has an album. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2010 at 12:08am / United States (North Dakota) / Animals

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2010 at 9:37pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2010 at 4:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

by kansasgirl / 03/02/2010 at 1:21pm / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

by fatcheeks / 03/02/2010 at 11:58am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend decided that lunch with his guys was more important than spending time with me. This is the second year in a row that he has cancelled on me. How do I remember the date so well? It's my birthday. FML

by BirthdayGirl / 03/02/2010 at 3:14am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know 3 hours ago before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

by SingleSara. / 03/02/2010 at 1:07am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in a while. When he came over we realized that we had not only gotten the same haircut, but we were also wearing the same sweater. We are a matching old couple at 17. FML

by oldandmarriedapparently / 03/02/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Love