Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

by twnty1 / 05/31/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

by Nikki / 05/30/2010 at 12:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

by misTreated / 05/30/2010 at 12:01am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

by thanksmum / 05/29/2010 at 1:39pm / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2010 at 9:16am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Miscellaneous

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

by hulagirl1217 / 05/29/2010 at 8:11am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

by fmlpanda / 05/29/2010 at 12:14am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

by phonesnshit / 05/29/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2010 at 7:51pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

by Teresa / 05/28/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

by Fark / 05/27/2010 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Cumbria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I'm allergic to the pills my doctor prescribed for coughing, which I really need because I ripped a muscle in my stomach. Now my whole upper body is covered in a terrible itchy rash. I also found out it will last for at least another week. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 4:14pm / Switzerland (Geneve) / Health