Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

by Lifeless / 08/15/2010 at 4:42am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

by sleeplessinID / 08/15/2010 at 3:23am / United States (Idaho) / Health

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2010 at 1:24am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

by ouch / 08/15/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

by goodbye-college / 08/15/2010 at 12:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

by carless / 08/14/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2010 at 12:35pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders) / Health

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

by Spelit / 08/13/2010 at 3:45pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2010 at 12:13pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my husband of 3 years, who I have a 1 year old daughter with, told me he wants a divorce, but who knows, maybe in the future we can "date." FML

by starley / 08/13/2010 at 5:11am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

by Proudlyintp / 08/13/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

by Diana / 08/12/2010 at 9:06pm / United States (Nebraska) / Kids