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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

#5121769
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36924) - you deserved it (4725)

On 09/08/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by Chaznuts (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

#5119886
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (13405)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:42am - kids - by GhettoBeast (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML

#5116471
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54349) - you deserved it (2164)

On 09/07/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by kennedygeeee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

#5110290
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51336) - you deserved it (3426)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54618) - you deserved it (2927)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

#5108353
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13926) - you deserved it (42449)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm - kids - by greasyhair (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

#5106041
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41697) - you deserved it (3807)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:16pm - money - by AH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mum grounded me for going to my boyfriend's house instead of the library. She said my boyfriend's mum phoned up because she could hear us having it off in his room. When I denied it my mum shouted at me for being a liar as well as a slut. I did go to the library. FML

#5103491
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76605) - you deserved it (3679)

On 09/07/2009 at 11:39am - love - by SingleGirl (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

#5102610
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9075) - you deserved it (29978)

On 09/07/2009 at 10:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

#5102101
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52224) - you deserved it (7893)

On 09/07/2009 at 9:32am - love - by GasAttack (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got annoyed with my mum stopping in her tracks each time she needed to reply to a text message. I tried to show her that you can walk and text at the same time. I ended up falling into a drain. FML

#5100044
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8442) - you deserved it (48696)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:23am - misc - by misstree (woman) - Singapore

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

#5097909
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70416) - you deserved it (4218)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

#5094881
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20004) - you deserved it (52843)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by EyesOffMe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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