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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14831) - you deserved it (44474)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

#5050419
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20953) - you deserved it (4740)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked. Then said "You know he can't swim right?" FML

#5044657
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7346) - you deserved it (59184)

On 09/04/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by babydoll13211 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

#5043249
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38914) - you deserved it (2885)

On 09/04/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by badhairday (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

#5041088
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12086) - you deserved it (46708)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by akward (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out to my car to run some errands. It wouldn't start. I called AAA, only to find out my battery wasn't dead, it was stolen. FML

#5040624
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34243) - you deserved it (2334)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:52pm - misc - by JerseyGirl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

#5035637
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49509) - you deserved it (3195)

On 09/04/2009 at 2:23am - kids - by NotYourLady (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

#5031923
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6021) - you deserved it (38690)

On 09/03/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by nottililgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was following my dad while texting, not really watching where we're going. Suddenly, he ran ahead and I looked up to see what he was doing. We were in the men's bathroom. There were 3 guys at the urinals. I'm a 15 year old girl. FML

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

#5022453
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25365) - you deserved it (37575)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Whoops (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

#5020137
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47635) - you deserved it (4672)

On 09/03/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by LosTits (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I awakened from my peaceful slumber in a great mood. I walked into my closet, ready to pick out an outfit for the day, to find my two year old daughter, kneeling on the floor with a pair of scissors in her hand, cutting up my wedding dress - my wedding is tomorrow. FML

#5019794
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63060) - you deserved it (12651)

On 09/03/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)



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