Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

#5149923
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38675) - you deserved it (4403)

On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

#5149100
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50938) - you deserved it (4047)

On 09/09/2009 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Somessedup (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

#5148313
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176484) - you deserved it (18047)

On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my Grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML

#5148026
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39949) - you deserved it (6893)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by hwood (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

#5146235
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15375) - you deserved it (39666)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

#5146144
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10167) - you deserved it (46047)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:21am - animals - by GoodDog (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

#5141524
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18951) - you deserved it (51326)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I found out my ex bought a digital camera, an iPod, and a large flat-screen TV, all purchased with the alimony I'm paying him. FML

#5141204
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29322) - you deserved it (7044)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Goodie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I washed one of my roommates t-shirts. I forgot to remove it before putting it in the dryer, and all the print on the front melted off. It was a gift from his girlfriend. Who has just passed away. FML

#5138751
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45598) - you deserved it (17701)

On 09/08/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by whyme27 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

#5136668
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20554) - you deserved it (4197)

On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

#5131890
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8875) - you deserved it (40089)

On 09/08/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by firefighter (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML

#5131831
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24957) - you deserved it (6484)

On 09/08/2009 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by TRAMATIZED (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

#5129906
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37400) - you deserved it (6963)

On 09/08/2009 at 4:48pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: