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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31389) - you deserved it (5420)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

#7339012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30443) - you deserved it (4125)

On 01/14/2010 at 2:41pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13789) - you deserved it (31447)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

#7336532
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31814) - you deserved it (4563)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:45am - kids - by hair2daygone4ever (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

#7333121
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32236) - you deserved it (3807)

On 01/14/2010 at 1:45am - love - by handlin (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

#7332045
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7865) - you deserved it (62483)

On 01/14/2010 at 12:33am - misc - by mackenzie_cain (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

#7330766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (4324)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm - love - by meow (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

#7325738
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21610) - you deserved it (3053)

On 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by cantgetitupcantgetiton (woman) - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

#7318001
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31070) - you deserved it (15495)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

#7316718
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32201) - you deserved it (3283)

On 01/13/2010 at 9:06am - love - by uglyone (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

#7316250
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42498) - you deserved it (5282)

On 01/13/2010 at 7:40am - love - by BetrayedGirl (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out where my favorite shirt has been for the last six months. My ex-fiancé's new girlfriend is wearing it. FML

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

#7314783
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31914) - you deserved it (4307)

On 01/13/2010 at 3:07am - love - by Juanna (woman) - United States (Washington)



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