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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

#5210731
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25447) - you deserved it (86976)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

#5209452
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5976) - you deserved it (48445)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I updated an e-mail I've saved to drafts and have been updating every day for the last few months to a girl I really adore. In this letter, I told her everything I ever kept from her. Instead of saving it to drafts again, I accidentally sent it. And she's online. FML

#5206414
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11882) - you deserved it (45775)

On 09/12/2009 at 1:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

#5205982
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38251) - you deserved it (6345)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

#5205782
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47914) - you deserved it (4203)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it, she responded loudly with "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML

#5205091
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31110) - you deserved it (4311)

On 09/12/2009 at 11:31am - kids - by nosexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

#5201884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41950) - you deserved it (3513)

On 09/12/2009 at 3:39am - love - by ksgirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I filled out an application at WalMart after being unable to find a job in three months. I just graduated from law school. With honors. FML

#5193582
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48194) - you deserved it (4517)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by Thistle (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

#5190097
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36210) - you deserved it (6416)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

#5186777
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36595) - you deserved it (4351)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:05pm - misc - by thatgirl247 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

#5185594
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39159) - you deserved it (5940)

On 09/11/2009 at 10:48am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

#5180905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12278) - you deserved it (35953)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:23am - love - by suzanneallen (woman) - United States (Florida)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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