Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 4:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

by teachingsucks / 03/14/2010 at 2:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 9:19am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

by Hatty / 03/14/2010 at 6:50am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

by Vegetarian / 03/14/2010 at 6:21am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

by crapcrapcrap / 03/14/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, while at work, I was told by a man who had literally just gotten back from his mothers funeral to cheer up, I was depressing him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 12:46am / United States (Vermont) / Work

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

by leapple / 03/13/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML

by hurt / 03/13/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Love