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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

#5789871
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28133) - you deserved it (4020)

On 10/12/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by ohgosh (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

#5784290
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20730) - you deserved it (1898)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

#5781865
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25521) - you deserved it (2873)

On 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by washed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML

#5774966
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41637) - you deserved it (2444)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:16pm - animals - by traumatised (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

#5774504
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54546) - you deserved it (27634)

On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by oxjessiiox (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

#5774015
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32384) - you deserved it (2731)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:53am - love - by Oh_Well (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

#5772637
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22308) - you deserved it (3615)

On 10/11/2009 at 6:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

#5769325
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33573) - you deserved it (2606)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7578) - you deserved it (107608)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

#5768887
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37481) - you deserved it (3789)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

#5763126
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (2222)

On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

#5762381
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8145) - you deserved it (41788)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27874) - you deserved it (5391)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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