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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

#5720583
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7785) - you deserved it (18688)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by OnlyMe (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

#5719092
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36545) - you deserved it (3287)

On 10/08/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by Irony (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally paid off the massive debt on my credit card. I came home only to find that almost everything I owned had been repossessed an hour before I paid the debt. FML

#5718785
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33043) - you deserved it (11798)

On 10/08/2009 at 6:24am - money - by clecker (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

#5716495
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13239) - you deserved it (37739)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:14am - kids - by stupidsantaclaus (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

#5716405
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31839) - you deserved it (7722)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by belle_arina (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31750) - you deserved it (8087)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

#5710708
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31277) - you deserved it (3423)

On 10/07/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by dangerousknitter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

#5706276
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37144) - you deserved it (3873)

On 10/07/2009 at 5:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML

#5705668
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34416) - you deserved it (4531)

On 10/07/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by pennyhater (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

#5703197
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6769) - you deserved it (46560)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:58pm - misc - by imok (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

#5699135
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11286) - you deserved it (35340)

On 10/07/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by vbscb (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

#5696976
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27671) - you deserved it (5759)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:43am - health - by Toothless (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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