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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

#5588493
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27879) - you deserved it (19917)

On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

#5582438
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36501) - you deserved it (6113)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:25am - animals - by unloved (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

#5582253
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9377) - you deserved it (32451)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

#5581956
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35653) - you deserved it (15224)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by notmarriedyet (woman) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I walked into my brother's house to see him unshaven and still in pyjamas eating ice-cream straight from the tub. I said jokingly, "You're lucky you have your wife, no one else could love you." His wife had just told him she was leaving him for her orthodontist. FML

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

#5580795
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32317) - you deserved it (9308)

On 10/01/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

#5580319
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8334) - you deserved it (35603)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:56am - misc - by slcbabii23 (woman) - United States (Missouri) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

#5579906
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41222) - you deserved it (3258)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:59am - love - by Icy (woman) - United States (Washington) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

#5577587
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30103) - you deserved it (2378)

On 10/01/2009 at 12:05am - work - by bm128902 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss' sink. FML

#5570126
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26798) - you deserved it (4238)

On 09/30/2009 at 6:35pm - work - by never_ending_hangover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

#5568676
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5084) - you deserved it (58379)

On 09/30/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

#5567038
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50455) - you deserved it (2432)

On 09/30/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Notthemaid (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

#5566724
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9677) - you deserved it (33985)

On 09/30/2009 at 3:30pm - work - by Blurry (woman) - Philippines (Batangas)



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