Today, at my job in a pub, I was cleaning the pub garden ready for closedown. There was a girl crouched on the floor under a table. By the time I'd realised what she was doing and turned around, she'd already finished, apologised, and left me to clean up her piss. FML

by wtfamidoing98 / 11/19/2016 at 2:54pm / United Kingdom (Ceredigion) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

by nerd / 11/19/2016 at 2:52pm / Geek

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

by nowbrokevaper / 11/19/2016 at 1:47pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

by Terra / 11/19/2016 at 12:14am / Love

Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML

by Stupid Pregnancy Brain / 11/18/2016 at 8:45am / Love

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

by TheStudentNurse / 11/17/2016 at 7:07pm / Work

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

by GoodbyeNewJob / 11/17/2016 at 1:00pm / Work

Today, to keep my dog from barking in my ear in the car, I put a buzz collar on him. It worked: he barked once, the collar vibrated, he shut up. Then, his 75 pounds trembling in terror, he pissed himself and all over the back seat. FML

by ThatBackfired / 11/17/2016 at 10:51am / Animals

Today, my class and I were discussing our country's relationship with other countries. One person stated that the French have never done anything for us. A classmate took that moment to chime in and ask, "I thought the French gave us that giant statue of the Mona Lisa?" He was dead serious. FML

by crazymentalblond / 11/17/2016 at 6:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

by poormum / 11/17/2016 at 6:41am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2016 at 10:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2016 at 8:29pm / Work

Today, I was in the city newspaper for something I worked my ass off on. There was a picture of me working on my creation in the article with a caption, something like, "Chloe B, part of the robotics team." My name isn't Chloe, and I talked to the article writers. I haven't heard back at all. FML

by rainbowlack / 11/16/2016 at 7:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous