Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

by Bawsack / 11/22/2016 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Health

Today, we finally got paperwork saying we were approved for a loan to buy a house! The only problem? It's not eligible for the county we live in. FML

by buttsmcgee / 11/22/2016 at 2:05am / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returns him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

by children ain't pawns / 11/21/2016 at 10:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

by _kristaaxo / 11/21/2016 at 4:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

by Anonymous1221 / 11/21/2016 at 2:12am / Love

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

by Nicoleanne / 11/20/2016 at 9:08am / Intimacy

Today, at my job in a pub, I was cleaning the pub garden ready for closedown. There was a girl crouched on the floor under a table. By the time I'd realised what she was doing and turned around, she'd already finished, apologised, and left me to clean up her piss. FML

by wtfamidoing98 / 11/19/2016 at 2:54pm / United Kingdom (Ceredigion) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

by nerd / 11/19/2016 at 2:52pm / Geek

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

by nowbrokevaper / 11/19/2016 at 1:47pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

by Terra / 11/19/2016 at 12:14am / Love

Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML

by Stupid Pregnancy Brain / 11/18/2016 at 8:45am / Love

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

by TheStudentNurse / 11/17/2016 at 7:07pm / Work

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

by GoodbyeNewJob / 11/17/2016 at 1:00pm / Work