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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41642) - you deserved it (3534)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48851) - you deserved it (4182)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34515) - you deserved it (3929)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

#21229021
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43447) - you deserved it (4556)

On 08/04/2014 at 1:42am - health - by Ew?Really? (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML.

#21228356
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43907) - you deserved it (5815)

On 08/03/2014 at 11:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49158) - you deserved it (21251)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43378) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39454) - you deserved it (3556)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

#21226147
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35544) - you deserved it (3410)

On 07/31/2014 at 8:17pm - love - by Does this thought count? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

#21225823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36511) - you deserved it (4069)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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