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Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

#21134881
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38985) - you deserved it (3497)

On 05/09/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by fmlgirl (woman) - Netherlands (Zeeland)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45722) - you deserved it (4184)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16514) - you deserved it (67216)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

#21134110
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41512) - you deserved it (4106)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

#21132642
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33152) - you deserved it (39067)

On 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42726) - you deserved it (8191)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after getting home from the supermarket, I went to unlock the door so my dad could carry the groceries in. No matter how hard or how many different ways I tried, the lock wouldn't shift. My dad eventually grabbed the keys, twisted once, and after the door unlocked, called me an idiot. FML

#21132298
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31297) - you deserved it (9430)

On 05/06/2014 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

#21131094
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40885) - you deserved it (4141)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by melmel (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

#21130777
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you deserved it (5407)

On 05/04/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45141) - you deserved it (4733)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

#21129433
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (6880)

On 05/03/2014 at 6:38am - health - by cocacola999 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

#21129304
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46876) - you deserved it (3043)

On 05/03/2014 at 1:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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