Today, I proposed to my boyfriend. He said yes, but is now sulking because I took away his "manhood". Jeez, sorry I didn't want to wait another 7 years for you to finally do it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 10:27am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 8:39am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

by can't wait to go home / 06/10/2016 at 3:18pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

by Welpthatwasfast / 06/10/2016 at 3:57am / Intimacy

Today, I broke up with my fiancé after he cheated on me, and he now refuses to move out of the apartment. I'm even contemplating just offering him my Xbox One as a bribe so I can get him out of my life for good. FML

by Rari / 06/09/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I came home to find out my stay-at-home neighbor built his kids an awesome treehouse deck two stories up in the air. Three feet from my house. Directly adjacent to my second-floor bedroom. FML

by Jo_kat / 06/08/2016 at 11:56pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

by Marteeny / 06/08/2016 at 11:14pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML

by radiantum13 / 06/08/2016 at 10:33pm / Work

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

by bshoemaker45601 / 06/08/2016 at 4:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

by TPelekakis / 06/08/2016 at 1:01pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

by Ophelia / 06/08/2016 at 12:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked at the revenue from my Etsy shop. After hours and hours of hard work, I was ecstatic to find that I made about $560 so far. That is, until I remembered that it all went to my mom's bank account and I paid all the fees out of my own pocket. And yes, she won't give it back. FML

by shecrieseverytimeIremindher / 06/07/2016 at 6:29pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, a violent attack of diarrhea send me running to the bathroom moments after I put my dinner in the oven. I made it out just in time to enjoy a lovely bowl of coal. FML