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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38837) - you deserved it (2874)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

#21231104
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34403) - you deserved it (5577)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:35pm - animals - by chynna (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

#21230350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36524) - you deserved it (8844)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm - misc - by spekledworf (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

#21230314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37654) - you deserved it (2506)

On 08/05/2014 at 6:44pm - work - by cutthroatkait (woman) - United States

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45455) - you deserved it (6975)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41640) - you deserved it (3534)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48847) - you deserved it (4182)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34515) - you deserved it (3929)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

#21229021
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43445) - you deserved it (4555)

On 08/04/2014 at 1:42am - health - by Ew?Really? (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML.

#21228356
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43907) - you deserved it (5815)

On 08/03/2014 at 11:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49157) - you deserved it (21251)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43377) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)



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