Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, only to witness a woman with her shirt pulled up giving herself a sink bath. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that he thought we were too poor for value-pack bacon. When I got home, I found he had gone to work leaving two lights and the TV on, and that the shower was running. He said, "Turning things on and off takes too much time! Who cares about money?" FML

by bridget1989 / 03/11/2016 at 5:03am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Money

Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML

by DrumrollPlease / 03/10/2016 at 8:59pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, a student came out to me, saying that she thinks she's gay. This has happened several times since I have taught here, which made me wonder why they were comfortable telling me. Turns out being a single, childless woman of my age screams "lesbian" to this particular community. I'm not. FML

by phalangesenfuego / 03/10/2016 at 9:07am / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I received a full tuition scholarship to my ideal university in the mail. This would be perfect, except I sent an email to the college 2 days earlier, informing them that I couldn't attend because of financial concerns. FML

by AllyK_shawol / 03/09/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 1:54pm / United Kingdom (Cumbria) / Health

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 8:52am / Madagascar / Work

Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML

by idontlikebitter / 03/08/2016 at 4:10pm / Switzerland (Aargau) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old man wanted to return a fryer. The box had blood smears all over it, so I told him no. He became irate and demanded a manager. Management said, "Hell no and don't touch that box." When I came back, he was licking a paper towel and attempting to wipe off the blood. FML

by leafynitemare / 03/08/2016 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I filed a client's tax return. His refunds alone were more than my gross annual salary. FML

by Calluna / 03/08/2016 at 10:26am / United States (New Jersey) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother-in-law told me that God won't allow me to have a baby with my husband because we're both agnostic. Yet it seems God thinks her druggie daughter can have two just because she's a Christian. FML

by Tiny_Nerd / 03/08/2016 at 10:00am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous

Today, I started training my replacement for my job. My replacement already makes more money per hour than I do. FML

by MySonshine7 / 03/07/2016 at 11:23am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.