Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

by Ugh / 06/14/2016 at 4:41pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

by Forever Alone / 06/14/2016 at 5:26am / Love

Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML

by Nanda / 06/14/2016 at 2:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2016 at 10:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

by staciefacecat / 06/13/2016 at 9:03pm / Love

Today, after being told two weeks ago that my contract would be renewed, my boss managed to tell me that actually he had other applicants for the job. I will be let go, but he offered me two months extra so I could finish the projects he had me working on. FML

by duCOQUELICOT / 06/13/2016 at 3:29pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me over video chat. Two days before I was to move across the country to be with him. All of my things are already shipped. He said he thinks of me as a sister. FML

by Unloveable / 06/13/2016 at 12:32pm / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

by tracy4191 / 06/13/2016 at 11:27am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my oldest friends blocked me for refusing to drive her to and from a wedding that was over 30 miles away. The wedding was mine. FML

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

by ForeverAGirlfriend / 06/13/2016 at 12:40am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

by Bummed / 06/12/2016 at 3:44pm / Work

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

by Minnie / 06/12/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a few weeks after moving in with my boyfriend, I borrowed his phone to Google something because mine was dead. His most recent searches? "How kill cat", "Kill cat laws", "Cat + poison". I thought he was ok with my cat when I moved in. FML

by Kitty Lover / 06/11/2016 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Animals