Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

by fml_anon / 03/19/2016 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been awake for 4 days. My doctor recently put me on enough sleeping pills to kill a small country, but when I take them it's like a shot of adrenaline. I'm wide awake and tired as all hell at the same time. FML

by dead / 03/18/2016 at 3:40pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, a man kept talking and laughing like an idiot all through the movie I was watching. I thought he was high, so I called him a moron and told him to shut the hell up. It turned out he wasn't high. He was just "special". FML

by soembarassed / 03/18/2016 at 2:26pm / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom yelled at me for going through her closet for some warmer clothes. She had a rant about taking her clothes without her permission, all while wearing a pair of my boots and one of my sweaters. FML

by Thanksmom / 03/18/2016 at 2:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent a cover letter in which I bragged about my exceptional attention to detail. After it was sent, I noticed the company name and address were from a different job application. FML

by tango-c / 03/17/2016 at 3:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2016 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Work

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

by Grimmy / 03/17/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing my hands in a public bathroom when a lady came in, looked at me in the mirror and then opened the door again to check if she was in the right bathroom. FML

by itsnotalright / 03/17/2016 at 12:25am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my brother's baseball practice, two 6 year-old girls wanted a piggy back ride. I get this a lot due to my size, so after telling their mom how good I was with kids, I let one get on my back. I then promptly tripped over a puppy and face planted, resulting in a crying child. FML

by toot_toot_turtle / 03/16/2016 at 11:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I joined my boyfriend at a work conference out of state. One of the other conference-goers struck up a conversation and I obliged. Apparently, I was too nice. He followed me into the hotel lobby and openly watched me go back to my hotel room, making sure to count the room numbers. FML

by CreeptacularBait / 03/16/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2016 at 4:58pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my father informed me that I will have no chance of dating a good man if I keep up with these interracial relationships. And that he won't be supporting me through college if I continue this "rebellion." My boyfriend is half black and loves the same music, sports, and movies as my dad. FML

by katiebird / 03/16/2016 at 4:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate decided to go on a group trip instead of paying our water bill. Now I can't shower until next week. FML

by megatron / 03/16/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Money