Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML

by boredtothemax / 02/17/2016 at 2:17pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that I was the one. Not at this moment though, he wants to see how far he can go with his best female friend. But once he's done with her, we can be together. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:32am / Netherlands / Love

Today, a guy I blocked online for sending me creepy messages showed up at my house. I have no idea how he found my address, or even my real name. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 9:56am / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

by EllieS9311 / 02/16/2016 at 8:16am / United States (Alabama) / Kids

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

by notonthepavement / 02/15/2016 at 6:04am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, after having my husband ask if I 'had any plans' for the weekend, and him mentioning that he got me something special, he played his PS4 for hours, ignored me, then finally took a break to hand me a tiny box of chocolates. I can't even be mad because he looked so proud. FML

by marriedbutlonely / 02/14/2016 at 9:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, while taking the bus home, a girl stared at me for a while before asking me if I'd ever heard of makeup. FML

by living in the ugly treehouse / 02/14/2016 at 6:23am / Australia / Transportation

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:15am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Health

Today, I now know what it feels like to violently sneeze while a nurse still has a needle in your arm. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2016 at 2:21pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2016 at 1:47pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

by scarredforlife / 02/12/2016 at 4:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

by notaman / 02/11/2016 at 1:12pm / United States (Iowa) / Health