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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

#21424205
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26520) - you deserved it (2063)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:04pm - kids - by AdoKitty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

#21423894
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36067) - you deserved it (7552)

On 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

#21423846
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27257) - you deserved it (1635)

On 06/10/2015 at 9:26am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boss of 2 years not only doesn't know my name, but calls me "Jew hair" behind my back because of my natural ringlets. This man determines all of my career progression. FML

#21423649
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23374) - you deserved it (1535)

On 06/09/2015 at 11:21pm - work - by hmdge1 (woman) - United Kingdom (Doncaster)

Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

#21422763
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (2063)

On 06/08/2015 at 10:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML

#21422504
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22827) - you deserved it (2128)

On 06/07/2015 at 8:53pm - misc - by onionrings (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

#21422192
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30235) - you deserved it (2235)

On 06/07/2015 at 5:46am - misc - by .......... (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

#21421959
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25173) - you deserved it (2237)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:17pm - kids - by diapersplease (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

#21421827
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23342) - you deserved it (1744)

On 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm - work - by WarMachine68 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

#21421754
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22337) - you deserved it (12953)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Eyebrowless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

#21421711
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31795) - you deserved it (5989)

On 06/06/2015 at 10:37am - love - by sad and hungry (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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