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Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

#21127302
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37319) - you deserved it (27560)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by yes, yes it does :( (woman) - United States

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43467) - you deserved it (4972)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

#21126318
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42169) - you deserved it (7642)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

#21125786
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43606) - you deserved it (3390)

On 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

#21125472
119 comments

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41681) - you deserved it (8498)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

#21124319
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42290) - you deserved it (7302)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I am on vacation in Dubai with my dad and a few of his friends. I thought we were going to travel and see some amazing things, but I'm confined to my hotel room while everyone drinks and watches Family Guy. FML

#21123610
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40033) - you deserved it (4261)

On 04/26/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

#21123602
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34950) - you deserved it (4921)

On 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by fuckingfloridahowihatethee (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

#21123165
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34785) - you deserved it (6303)

On 04/26/2014 at 12:22am - misc - by vee2013 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

#21123022
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35309) - you deserved it (2889)

On 04/25/2014 at 9:21pm - work - by stickyservice (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I waited two hours in line at college to select my classes. I finally got to the desk, only to be told I have to apply online before I can show up in person. FML

#21122928
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34820) - you deserved it (8860)

On 04/25/2014 at 6:59pm - misc - by firelava (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

#21121712
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35848) - you deserved it (4918)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:28am - kids - by missmom83 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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