Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

by insert pussy pun, hurr durr / 06/29/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2016 at 8:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, a lady called the candy store and wanted to know our ice cream flavors. We have 30 and I had a line of people to help, so I directed her to our new website. She called back, wanting me to walk her through finding it. I couldn't, as we're not allowed, so she called me useless. She showed up. FML

by I was talking about her. / 06/29/2016 at 1:24am / Work

Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML

Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 9:51pm / Money

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

by hannamacintosh / 06/28/2016 at 1:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

by TheaterMom / 06/28/2016 at 7:12am / Germany / Work

Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML

by Angsty_Armadillo / 06/28/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

by Anyonehiring / 06/27/2016 at 9:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my father called me to ask what my middle name is. He apparently needed to know it to remove me out from his will. FML

by Jes / 06/27/2016 at 8:44pm / Miscellaneous

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

by RosaMaravillosa / 06/27/2016 at 2:09pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a wedding reception. I had to repeatedly shout and wave like an idiot to the waiter for my order because he ignored me several times and kept forgetting about me. I was the bride. FML

Today, I had to politely nod and say "Ah okay..." as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2016 at 9:12am / United States (Texas) / Love