Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

by JustShutUp / 07/27/2016 at 2:40pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

by Broke / 07/27/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

by ssenmodnaR / 07/27/2016 at 12:30pm / Love

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 10:10am / Love

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 6:36am / Ukraine (Poltavs'ka Oblast') / Intimacy

Today, I finally got together with this great guy I've had a crush on for a while. He told me before that he is quite inexperienced, which usually doesn't bother me at all. Turns out "inexperienced" translates to "I will include your nose and chin in our kissing" in this case. FML

by Kiss-a-thon / 07/27/2016 at 6:01am / Germany / Love

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 12:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

by angrymother / 07/26/2016 at 9:21pm / Intimacy

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

by Ya_I_said_it / 07/26/2016 at 11:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was checking my kitten's neutering stitches when he farted so hard that a stray piece of cat shit shot out and hit me in the eye. FML

by BodyElectric / 07/26/2016 at 1:06am / Animals

Today, my budgie learned to fly, having finally outgrown his clipped wings. He flew straight over the gate, out the door and into my dogs jaws. FML

by InsanityShard / 07/25/2016 at 11:26pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a 2nd degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

by mog907 / 07/25/2016 at 2:31pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

by BlueMacaw / 07/25/2016 at 10:38am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health