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Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

#21364532
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37) - you deserved it (2422)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:29am - misc - by MCForty (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

#21364342
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31081) - you deserved it (5938)

On 02/27/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by milked (woman) - United States

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

#21364143
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29917) - you deserved it (2664)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML

#21363816
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35) - you deserved it (4807)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

#21363187
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27465) - you deserved it (2586)

On 02/25/2015 at 6:51am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I T-boned a woman who pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. According to her, the accident was my fault because she "didn't see" me. FML

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

#21363021
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27534) - you deserved it (2835)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm - animals - by Sarah1330 (woman) - United States

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34970) - you deserved it (61)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my phone", especially when important clients are trying to reach me, and how unprofessional I am. I make very sure to never miss any calls, my boss just keeps giving out the wrong number to people. FML

#21362364
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29755) - you deserved it (1661)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:19am - work - by O (woman) - Sweden

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36266) - you deserved it (2813)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

#21361977
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29902) - you deserved it (5012)

On 02/23/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by hatemebeforetheyevenhatch (woman) - United Kingdom (West Dunbartonshire)

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

#21361818
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33229) - you deserved it (2521)

On 02/23/2015 at 3:49pm - misc - by looking4newvenue (woman) - United States

Today, a man approached me and told me he wanted to drink my dirty bath water. FML



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