Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

by MulticoloredSlug / 10/13/2016 at 6:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I narrowly avoided a head-on collision in the parking garage. The other driver cussed me out. It's a one-way route through the parking garage, and I was going the right way. FML

by DC / 10/11/2016 at 9:41am / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2016 at 1:17am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

by ripmylife / 10/10/2016 at 1:53pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, I've got the worst eczema I've had in 25 years. It's spread to the worst possible spot: right where my thighs touch when I walk. FML

by ItchyGirl / 10/09/2016 at 8:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2016 at 12:37pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

by Ouchie / 10/07/2016 at 8:51am / Ireland (Kildare) / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend the exact moment I fell in love with him: when we made eye contact in a crowd on our fifth date. He asked if I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment. I then found out it was, "I really hope she can't smell that fart." FML

by saashtow / 10/07/2016 at 1:00am / United States (Georgia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

by LemonLearn / 10/06/2016 at 4:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while checking my voicemail, I noticed I had received one from a job that I've been trying to get in for months. Too bad they called two weeks ago. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2016 at 3:01pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML

by Sadwife / 10/06/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I found out why my thesis supervisor made me change my whole project I was working on for the past 3 months. Apparently, he had another student doing the same thing and they published it today. FML

by mixedupminx / 10/06/2016 at 10:11am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Work