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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

#21398349
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25030) - you deserved it (2053)

On 04/23/2015 at 5:04am - work - by Old and Ugly (woman) - United States

Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

#21398217
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23001) - you deserved it (4775)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:53pm - misc - by englishornah (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

#21397904
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26452) - you deserved it (2281)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:06am - work - by -_- (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

#21397585
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27448) - you deserved it (3041)

On 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Notthatone (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

#21397399
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24840) - you deserved it (1824)

On 04/21/2015 at 12:45pm - work - by Karma (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

#21397265
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24950) - you deserved it (9257)

On 04/21/2015 at 3:55am - health - by Not dying. (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

#21397047
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26272) - you deserved it (3799)

On 04/20/2015 at 7:55pm - kids - by ChildFree (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

#21396780
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26964) - you deserved it (1841)

On 04/20/2015 at 10:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

#21396530
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25977) - you deserved it (3396)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:39pm - work - by notmysistersbf (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

#21396226
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28346) - you deserved it (2871)

On 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm - animals - by woof? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

#21396154
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29272) - you deserved it (2733)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24550) - you deserved it (4036)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)



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