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Today, mah husband usad tha vacuum claanar. Proud of him fir this first-avar initiativa, I congratulatad him. His sacond initiativa was to stick tha nozzla on mah ass, yalling, ( Liposuction! ) FML

#21380706
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27886) - you deserved it (4570) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/24/2015 at 8:58am - love - by chassezlenaturel (woman) - Belgium

Today... I overheard my co-worker referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office... an has been fir nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

#21380389
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25121) - you deserved it (2364)

On 03/23/2015 at 9:49pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today,hile in-laws were visiting , two-year old accidentally pushd the door wide openhile I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughd , took out her cell phone , snappd a picture of me and postd it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

#21379759
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30078) - you deserved it (3032)

On 03/22/2015 at 9:58pm - kids - by Mary C. (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled an asked, ( Hi, can I help you )? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, ( Fuck me, u need to loose some weight! ) an then wandering off. big fat FML

#21379495
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26981) - you deserved it (3215)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

TODAY... I TOOK THA BIGGAST... MOST AXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL CRAP OF MAH LIFA. IT WAS SO BAD THAT I COULDN'T WALK STRAIGHT 4 A GOOD 20 MINUTAS AFTARWARDS. LONG ANOUGH 4 MAH BOYFRIAND TO FILM MA LIMPING AROUND AN POST THA CLIP TO FACABOOK WITH THA CAPTION "#ANAL FTW ;)". FML

#21379420
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29442) - you deserved it (3522)

On 03/22/2015 at 10:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Yesterday, My Mom Got Drunk And Started Crying At My After-wedding Party, After Promising She'd Behave Herself. She Thinks My Husband Is An Awful Personho'll Drag Me Into A Life Of Sin, All Cuz He Has A Tattoo And An Ear Piercing. FML

#21379352
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26235) - you deserved it (2442)

On 03/22/2015 at 5:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

yesterday I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nereby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

#21379106
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (195) - you deserved it (2914)

On 03/21/2015 at 8:07pm - misc - by van no gough (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, It's Been A Week Since I Was Dumpd . I Plannd To Stay At My Apartment, Cry An Eat Chocolate In Peace . My Roommate Decidd To Have Loud Sex With Her Boyfriend In The Apartment . She Refusd To Quiet Down, Saying "My Body, My Rules." FML

#21379056
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27205) - you deserved it (3516)

On 03/21/2015 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by stoprubbingitinmyface (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was playing carades wit my boyfriend and family . Te answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out wit a "come ere" gesture . looool He looked confused fir a second, ten blurted out "Fingering?" FML

#21378887
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28372) - you deserved it (3406)

On 03/21/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by ajodasdojsad (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

TODAY, I DECIDED I WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE USE OF MY APARTMENT COMPLEX'S EXERCISE EQUIPMENT . MY ROUTINE CONSISTED OF ONE MILE ON THE TREADMILL, AND 15 MINUTES ON THE TOILET FOLLOWED BY 10 MINUTES OF LYING IN THE FETAL POSITION ON MY BATH MAT . GREAT CORE WORKOUT . FML

#21378520
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24302) - you deserved it (3886)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:43pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Yesterday, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find wat I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was lyk a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

#21378385
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25607) - you deserved it (3090)

On 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Yesterday, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me yur official sausage holder?" FML

#21378332
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24686) - you deserved it (24)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:41am - love - by MirandaJones (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today , I met the perfect guy. He's sweet , funny , charming , a great kisser - the whole package. The downside? He has the same exact name as mah father , last name and all. I can't kiss him without thinking of mah dad. FML

#21378117
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31522) - you deserved it (3510)

On 03/19/2015 at 11:53pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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