Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

by perverted teenage girl / 11/29/2016 at 4:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

by Kelly / 11/29/2016 at 1:57pm / Kids

Today, I've been working abroad. The holiday request I put in two months ago and that was verbally approved came back denied today as they can't find cover. I have already booked my flights, can't cancel them, and I get to spend Christmas alone. FML

Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML

by ginkobiloba / 11/29/2016 at 6:01am / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

by Mayrose125 / 11/29/2016 at 2:32am / Work

Today, I'm facing a disciplinary hearing at work because I occasionally fail to click the door properly shut when I leave the office and this is very upsetting to one of the six colleagues I share my office with. FML

by Work_sucks / 11/29/2016 at 2:05am / Work

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2016 at 1:34am / Animals

Today, I was traveling home with my four-year-old son. While we were standing in line at the security checkpoint, I hear the sound of water dripping and turned to find my son urinating on the floor. He'd read a sign that said we weren't allowed to take any liquids with us. FML

by Pissy / 11/27/2016 at 3:15pm / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

by Stigmamma / 11/27/2016 at 3:54am / Love

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he was a breech baby, which according to him meant that he born out of his mum's butthole. FML

by BreechInEducation / 11/27/2016 at 1:55am / Love

Today, I was so desperate for a friend that I posted a Craigslist ad to find one. Now my phone's filled with spam and I still don't have any friends. FML

by StillFriendless / 11/25/2016 at 10:20am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teaching a new student their first ever piano lesson, hoping that they would sign up for more lessons. Thirty minutes had gone by and after the 5th time of me saying what a talented, sweet little girl she was, the mother told me it was in fact a boy. They didn't sign up. FML

by Charley / 11/25/2016 at 5:44am / Work

Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

by ArtistBlock / 11/25/2016 at 12:10am / Holidays