Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

by bandeek / 10/23/2016 at 2:52pm / Intimacy

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

by Confused / 10/23/2016 at 1:05am / Health

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

by Lucachoo / 10/21/2016 at 1:16am / Love

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

by Jen / 10/20/2016 at 12:32pm / Work

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2016 at 7:12am / Australia (Tasmania) / Love

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

by KitKat20 / 10/18/2016 at 9:05am / United States (North Dakota) / Work

Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML

by bossproblems / 10/17/2016 at 2:47pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

by StillAVirgin / 10/17/2016 at 11:23am / Denmark / Love

Today, after a week of rejoicing that my petty, passive-aggressive, bullying neighbours were moving away, I came home to find the "to let" board had been outside the wrong house the whole time. It's actually the people I really like who are moving away. FML

by Jade / 10/15/2016 at 7:22am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

by MulticoloredSlug / 10/13/2016 at 6:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I narrowly avoided a head-on collision in the parking garage. The other driver cussed me out. It's a one-way route through the parking garage, and I was going the right way. FML

by DC / 10/11/2016 at 9:41am / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2016 at 1:17am / United States / Love

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2016 at 12:37pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health