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Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

#21241143
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11578) - you deserved it (1582)

On 08/19/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by Xbieblette51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11566) - you deserved it (1537)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22489) - you deserved it (7324)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

#21240726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25926) - you deserved it (1944)

On 08/18/2014 at 10:59pm - work - by sorrynotsorry (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

#21240451
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30102) - you deserved it (2594)

On 08/18/2014 at 11:13am - kids - by Stellarum (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27700) - you deserved it (4373)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30506) - you deserved it (6097) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

#21239602
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37862) - you deserved it (4159)

On 08/17/2014 at 6:19am - misc - by AnnoyedWoman (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

#21238842
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35209) - you deserved it (4493)

On 08/16/2014 at 8:10am - misc - by Jenn (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

#21238728
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29192) - you deserved it (7976)

On 08/16/2014 at 2:20am - love - by Hopeless romantic (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

#21238336
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15842) - you deserved it (30794)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm - money - by thoughthewasjoking (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

#21238124
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34475) - you deserved it (4512)

On 08/15/2014 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)



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