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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my crazily religious mom called me a whore. According to her, the dried yogurt stain on my sleeve looked just like cum. I asked her how exactly she knew what dried cum looked like. Let's just say I now know she can give a mean bitch-slap. FML

#21357452
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2663) - you deserved it (446)

On 02/16/2015 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

#21357102
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40690) - you deserved it (2140)

On 02/16/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

#21356659
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33619) - you deserved it (2816)

On 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

#21356583
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33167) - you deserved it (2540)

On 02/15/2015 at 9:52am - love - by =( (woman) - Australia

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

#21355574
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35045) - you deserved it (2919)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

#21355373
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28123) - you deserved it (2058)

On 02/13/2015 at 2:05pm - work - by Anonynonynon (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

#21355326
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27377) - you deserved it (2942)

On 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm - misc - by Innocence (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, as a reward for finishing all my work in maths, I was told I could leave early. Apparently, later on, the class had a random attendance inspection. I didn't know about this until I received a detention for not being present at that class. My teacher had completely forgotten about me. FML

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

#21354690
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29246) - you deserved it (5702)

On 02/12/2015 at 12:23pm - misc - by ahhhhhh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

#21354679
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33342) - you deserved it (2200)

On 02/12/2015 at 11:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

#21354562
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32323) - you deserved it (3017)

On 02/12/2015 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Mkimmi (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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Friday 13 February 2015

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